What’s Actually Working for Me RIGHT NOW.
I have found myself wading around in what people like to call “the newborn trenches” for the past three months and finally have some time to pop my head up for some air. With this new territory has come some reality checks both good and bad - like you can’t drink caffeine, breast feed your baby, and then expect her to go to sleep after (ask me how I know eyeroll). We’ve also discovered the joy of having a new mini-personality in the house brings which has been such a blessing!
I thought it might be nice to check in and let you all know what has been working well for me and my family during this time. Maybe it will help some of you all plan for your post-partum journey or maybe it will just provide you with some laughs. I have been very blessed to have a partner that is interested in and capable of holding his own while we navigate the newness in our relationship after 10 years of being with each other child-free. We were loving the “DINK” life and had finally found tropical waters when all of a sudden, Ms. Delmari Jean decided she wanted to be a thing. So… here we are.
My husband takes the baby to bed with him so I can get some alone time at night
I have and always will be a night owl that requires very little sleep to function. My husband finds this crazy since he needs a sold 7-9 hours per night. The first month after Delmari came home from the NICU, I was tackling the night feeds alone since he was still working and I was on maternity leave. Eventually, the adrenaline wore off and I began to wear down. Thankfully, he noticed I was not myself and offered to start taking the baby up to bed when he went to bed. This allowed me to get an hour or two of awake time by myself to pump, watch Law and Order, wash bottles, and maybe even sneak in a little crochet here and there. Sometimes I even found myself power cleaning the kitchen and bathroom (which if you know me, in my life prior to motherhood I would NEVER use my free time to willingly do chores). In a matter of a few weeks, I was able to start realizing that I would never go back to “feeling like myself” but I was able to start figuring out what the “new me” wanted to look like.
Get the right size flange for your pump and freeze your breast milk in bottle-size portions
Since Delmari was 6 weeks early and spent 17 days in the NICU at West Penn Hospital (shoutout to the NICU nurses, doctors, and staff - our experience there was incredible while we were going though such a stressful time), breastfeeding exclusively was not in the cards for us. We met with lactation at the hospital which was incredibly supportive, but having watched so many friends struggle with their mental health while trying to brestfeed, I knew I did not want to do that and that exclusive pumping was going to be the way we chose to feed her.
I found, especially during the time she was in the NICU, that pumping was the best way I could care for her while she was not with me. I religiously pumped around the clock to make sure I was able to bring milk in for her so she wouldn’t have to do formula. By the end of day four post partum, my milk had come in and I was able to provide what she needed for her feeds, BUT was in so much pain from not having the right size flanges for my chest. I can not stress enough to you how important having flange inserts for your pumps that customize the size for YOUR BODY is. It helps to avoid blisters, friction, bleeding, and bruising. Trust me, just order the flange sizing kit and silicone inserts!
Additionally, if you have an oversupply (I have since I began, fortuantely enough) and want to start stocking up your freezer stash, consider freezing your milk in 2, 4, and 6 ounce portions. This will make defrosting easier and will prevent waste. I didn’t realize how annoying it would be to have to defrost 8 ounces of milk becuase it was all in one bag when the baby was only taking 2-4 ounces at a time. Once the bag is ripped open, you have to do something with it and pouring it down the drain is any brest feeding mom’s worst nightmare.
I use a Lansion Thrive 2-in-1 Pump (LOVE IT! and I get a good supply even though it is recommedned to not use mobile pumps as your main pump)
I have a Madela hand-pump and replacement parts to switch up the suction and pace every now and then.
I recently got a Haakaa which is controversial among BF moms, but I LOVE mine and get an extra 2 ounces from each side while hand-pumping the other side.
My favorite bags are the Sposie Brand from Amazon and the Motif Brand as well.
Millie Moon Diapers are superior to all others for baby blowouts
It only took me two full blowouts to realize my beloved Pampers Diapers were the problem. I have become totally dairy-free to try to help prevent the blowouts, but baby girl just has a lot to expell. That being said, I was not trying to wash laundry every single day and needed a solution. Thank God for Millie Moon diapers (this is not sponsored, I am just a major lover of these darn diapers and not having baby poo everywhere). They hug her at the waist and thighs perfectly and prevent those 2-alarm blowouts in a way that Pampers never could.
Communication before things fester is imperative to preventing resentment
All of the research I did prior to delivery of the baby led me to believe that my marriage would greatly suffer during the first year of having a baby. That made me incredibly nervous becuase my partner and I have already worked through some tough things and we were sort of set on CRUISE-control (a nod back to the tropics reference from earlier). I think because other people talked openly about the struggles they had, we were able to have a heads up on what to look out for to prevent resentment. One thing that has always worked well for us has been to “get it out regardless of how ugly it sounds.” But this has to come with the promise of the other person to not immediately react to what is said - that they will take the feelings of the other person into true consideration and try to find a solution. Through this, we have been able to build trust and understanding that that’s been able to translate to our post-partum journey in a healthy way and makes both of us feel supported. If you don’t communicate what is bothering you, the other person will not be able to guess what is going on in your head and that festers into resentment.
A loose routine is better (for us) than a regimented one
Having lived the DINK life for 10 years, we wanted to make sure that the baby we were bringing into this world would fit into our scheudle and lifestyle. Of course, some things we had to alter, but for the most part Delmari does very well with the pace of our life. I knew from the beginning I wanted her to feel comfortable with other people, be able to fall asleep anywhere, and take a bottle at any temperature. I did not want to be chained to a bottle warmer and crib for feeds and naptime, so we keep consistency in how we show up for and care for her but alter some of the routines that would otherwise get us into a trap. For instance, we nap her in a few different areas of the home but NOT in her night-time bed. When we go to bed in the evening, she knows it’s her long sleep and has been sleeping through the night from 9:30p-5:00a since she was about 6 weeks old. We also do not warm up every bottle that she gets. Sometimes it is freshly pumped at room temperature, sometimes right from the fridge, and only before the times we want her to nap for a longer time, will we warm up her milk. Her night time bottle is pretty much the only scheduled bottle we give her to signal that it’s time for bed, but otherwise we just feed on her cues.
And what’s funny is… children will always make liars out of their parents. So what has been working for us lately doesn’t mean it will always work. I am just waiting for our first Millie Moon blowout when we are at the grocery store and I don’t have a change of clothes for her. The mindset shift is what I am realizing is the most important part of Matresience. Allowing grace for yourself to become what you have not yet been.
